The Formula For The Perfect Insult:
It’s simple, it’s fast, and it doesn’t rely on problematic language/labels!
(unflattering multi-syllable adjective) + (foul four-letter word of choice)-(mundane inanimate object) =
Wide on the Meeple City - - We are looking down on Meeple City as the morning sun pierces through the haze to cast two large shadows over several central office blocks…
Meeple City Security camera 361, Nine forty-two am.
She approaches her office block window, her mobile phone to her ear and a fresh morning coffee in hand, only to immediately scream, dropping her coffee and phone, and bringing her hands to her face, stumbling to the floor —
Boom. Boom. Boom. BOOM. BOOM. The sound of monsters walking through the city. We can hear others in the office block beginning to shout as the whole building begins to shake.
Fear is embedded on her face —
SSSSCCREEEEEECH — the sound of cardboard being torturously broken off the building fills the air as the roof above her head disappears into a cloud of dust and rubble above. The buildings’ roof falls, tumbling through the air — it disappears from view as it hits the ground sending a cloud of dust up into the air, swirling around an imposing large blue shape moving towards the now exposed office floor.
The young military officer shakes her head and tries to feel around the floor for her mobile as fragments of glass and brick RAIN DOWN upon her.
We hear the monster’s roar echo through Meeple City, almost a deafening cheer for the destruction happening all around. CRACK. the side of the building is torn away and the floors start to rise up into the air.
Get me the… ARRrrrrghhhhhh!
She is screaming down her phone as she tumbles across the floor as it buckles and swings beneath her dragging her high up through the air..
Shrieks fill the air as two whole floors of the office block are dragged up through the air. RRrrrrraaaaaagh. The monsters roar rips through the air as its massive mouth extends up through the dust cloud surrounding it, the floors of the building disappear down into the monsters wide open mouth. CRASSSHH its mouth shuts down on the tangled cardboard girders as the Meeples’ shrieks are first muted, then silenced —
Meeple City Police Helicopter camera 2, Nine forty-five am.
3rd Avenue is in view. The remains of a second office block are strewn across the city, TENDRILS OF SMOKE swirl around the base as what seem like survivors are crawling through the debris, their screams echoing through the twisted cardboard. Around them more debris is falling, raining down in front of their eyes.
They came out of nowhere… we need to use everything
we have, I don’t care what it takes, get it down here
He is shouting through his military phone as he takes cover near the base of the another building that has been destroyed.
BOOM. BOOM. Boom. Boom. The whole world shakes as the Meeples of Meeple City collectively scream for their lives.
Undercover camera, Nine forty-seven am.
A local gangster boss is sitting in his chair, his whole crew with him loading every gun they poses, terror filling their eyes.
WHHAAAAAM! A large green bus flies through the air and slams into the side of the disused factory (home to the local gangster family), through the large windows and out the other side, destabilising it enough so that the whole building collapses leaving the first floor exposed.
A journalist who had infiltrated the gangs crew for a scoopis all that is left of the boss’s crew, and he is now cowering under the boss’s table, insanity has instantly taken hold of him as he screams for his life.
Undercover Journalist 1
ARrrrggghh, Arrrghhhh!!! Arrrrrggghhhhhh!!!!
CRASSSHH. A second green bus slams into the build taking the blue journalist with it out the other side. BOOOM. The remains of the building descend into a cloud of DEBRIS flying up into the air.
Screams echo through the city as more vehicles are seen to fly through the air — SCCCREEEAAAACH — the sound rips through the air as a giant hulk of a yellow coach spins through the air at the central offices — followed by the sound of a massive explosion at the base of the building — a rumbling thunder fills the air as the entire office block disappears from view to be replaced with a mighty red monster screaming into the sky —
After the guttural sound leaves the air an eerie silence takes hold of the remaining city. Suddenly panic and screams echo up from the last remaining building, the city cinema.
Meeple Cinema Security camera 2, Nine fifty-one .
Box Office attendant
What do we? What do we do? — There’s no where to
go, we are all going to die, die! Die I tell you!
The attendant screams at the crowds of young Cinema goers sheltering in the foyer of the Cinema.
Boom. Boom. BOOM. BOOM. BOOM. BOOM. It is so loud that the sound over takes the screams of the Meeples inside, a deafening shake of the ground as a Red Monster foot finally crashes down in front of the camera, shattering the windows as glass is flung over the crowds cowering inside. Covered in dust they all hold their ears with their hands.
Box Office attendant
No… No.. NO… I won’t die… I won’t die.. not here…
The attendant runs through the foyer into the cinema and down the aisle, she trips on the stairs as the whole cinema slides away under her feet. She also slides down along the floor but just manages to grab a chair leg as the outside walls fall away leaving her dangling out the side of the cinema.
BOOM. The cinema shakes a second time, so violently as it is ripped from its foundations high into the air.
The Box Office Attendant screams for her life as she clings to the leg of the chair flying through the dust storm and debris and then plummeting down and down into a darkness ringed by 6 enormous teeth.
Box Office attendant
Meeple City Police Helicopter camera 2, Nine fifty-nine am.
CRUNCHHHHHH. The whole cinema floor is slowly eaten whole by the gigantic red monster — the Dust and Debris dissipate some what to leave a scene of two gigantic monsters standing over a demolished Meeple City.
KA-BOOM! We can see the back of the police helicopter explode in the air… a spinning view of destruction is all around, the cacophony of a damaged engine and rotor blades whining quickly reach a high pitched deafening scream until….
Red Monster 39
Blue Monster 30.
When expressing your love for Mass Effect to someone who hasn’t played it turns into almost crying again.
"We breathe, sleep, drink, eat, work and then die! The end of life is googly eyes. What do you long for? Love? A few kisses and you will be powerless. Money? What for? To gratify your desires. Glory? What comes after it all? Googly eyes! Googly eyes alone are certain."
you are the only person who loves 1776 as much as i do
I love this musical immensely.
"This is a revolution, damn it! We’re going to have to offend somebody!" - 1776
“I was shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief.“Bad news, detective. We got a situation.”“What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?”“Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.”The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm. “What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?”“Not yet. But mark my words: we’re going to figure out who did this and we’re going to take them down … provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so.”“Easy, chief,” I said. “Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.”He laughed. “That’s why you’re the best I got, Lisowski. Now you get out there and find those bitcoins.”“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.” I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside.“Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®” I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul. “Nobody move unless you want to!” They didn’t.“Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?” No one spoke up. “Come on,” I said. “Don’t you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty?” It didn’t seem like they did.“Seriously, guys. Without a strong economic motivator, I’m just going to stand here and not solve this case. Cash is fine, but I prefer being paid in gold bullion or autographed Penn Jillette posters.”Nothing. These people were stonewalling me. It almost seemed like they didn’t care that a fortune in computer money invented to buy drugs was missing.I figured I could wait them out. I lit several cigarettes indoors. A pregnant lady coughed, and I told her that secondhand smoke is a myth. Just then, a man in glasses made a break for it.“Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze, Scumbag!®” I yelled. Too late. He was already out the front door. I went after him.“Stop right there!” I yelled as I ran. He was faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. Our country needs a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen.I was losing him. “Listen, I’ll pay you to stop!” I yelled. “What would you consider an appropriate price point for stopping? I’ll offer you a thirteenth of an ounce of gold and a gently worn ‘Bob Barr ‘08’ extra-large long-sleeved men’s T-shirt!”He turned. In his hand was a revolver that the Constitution said he had every right to own. He fired at me and missed. I pulled my own gun, put a quarter in it, and fired back. The bullet lodged in a U.S.P.S. mailbox less than a foot from his head. I shot the mailbox again, on purpose.“All right, all right!” the man yelled, throwing down his weapon. “I give up, cop! I confess: I took the bitcoins.”“Why’d you do it?” I asked, as I slapped a pair of Oikos™ Greek Yogurt Presents Handcuffs® on the guy. “Because I was afraid.”“Afraid?”“Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers,” he said. “I’m a central banker.”I wanted to coldcock the guy. Years ago, a central banker killed my partner. Instead, I shook my head. “Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street,” I said. “No matter how many bitcoins you steal, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom.”He nodded, because he knew I was right. Then he swiped his credit card to pay me for arresting him.”
oh my god. this is incredible.
(re: Scalia and Thomas)
Not exactly. What you have to bear in mind while reading a dissent is a) the opinion and b) the history of those arguing. Precedent is tricky and Scalia is particularly unkind to new precedent. He is certainly biased in what precedents he will lean most heavily on and how he interprets precedent—so is Ginsburg; but Scalia frequently goes against what a more political understanding of his ideology as a justice would suggest precisely because he’s more interested in precedent and original intent than in the issue-by-issue politics at work. He doesn’t like “judicial activism.” In my view, that’s a deluded stance; even inaction has an effect and the court will always have immense power to shape legal outcomes; an overly narrow view of precedent and intent is no less radical than an under-reliance on precedent to me. But it’s hard to call that “breaking the rules of the court.”
That wasn’t based on this case, but previous instances. I realize I was hardly specific in the hashtag, so allow me to explain. Specifically, I am referring to the time Clarence Thomas failed to recuse himself despite overseeing a case of which his impartiality was deeply questionable. Specifically, his wife (and thus his household) had received huge economic incentives in lobbying against the Affordable Care Act, but he still chose to sit on the bench and judge its constitutionality when it came before the Supreme Court.
and let’s not forget that he only got his position on the basis of his ‘good character’ (because he had only been a circuit judge for a year previous to being nominated to the supreme court by President George H. W. Bush in 1991), which was maintained with the sexist and deeply problematic erasure of Anita Hill’s testimony (as well as the testimony of four other female witnesses of whom the Senate hearing failed to call to testify) regarding his history of sexual harassment.
As for Scalia, I would point to the 2005 case Cheney v. United States District of Columbia in which he refused to recuse himself, despite admitting to being a longtime friend of Dick Cheney and thus subject to impartiality; I do agree that while I vociferously disagree with his bigoted opinions, he hasn’t done nearly as much to break with existing court rules. Sad as it is, being a bigot isn’t against the written qualifications for being a supreme court justice.
Recusal is a bit of an issue for the court in general; the process is inherently suspect and not very transparent. It’s … frustrating at best.
Breaking the rules isn’t so much the problem … the rules simply aren’t there. They should be, but they aren’t.